Clock
Texas Vipassana, 2009


I am able to sit upright for bent time
Days and moments of now and yesterday and
tomorrow blend
Time no longer is

After thousands of minutes in the dim silent space
I hear the clock for the first time
Seconds tick through the silence
I notice that occasionally one sound is larger
I begin counting
Every 15 seconds
On the 15th second, the sound is clearly louder

My mind connects to the pattern
1-2-3…-14…click
A louder click
1-2-3…-14…click
My entire world consists only of the louder click
That breaks up all the quieter clicks

I can’t grasp how I didn’t hear the roar of the clock
For all the hours I’ve sat within its screams, its reminder that now is over, now is over, or else, now is now is now is now
All that exists is the sound
Until it vanishes
As my mind runs off onto another trail

What I’m reminded of over and over
Is that all that exists in my world
Is what I choose to focus upon, to hear, to see, to feel
And when I decide to no longer include that in my life
Then it vanishes

Sound of the clock that ruled each moment of my life
No longer exists
That is the power I yield
I define my world in each and every moment
I decide what is real and what is not
And if I want to believe that this is a beautiful ball filled with endless loving beings
Then damn it, I can.
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