Ladybug Lover
Yogaville, 2009
Arrive back at the lotus temple
I sit for hours
Tears fall
Breaths fall
I fall
Into myself
This is why I have left my life
She walks towards me
Then runs towards me
Across the carpet
Of the temple
As I sit alone
Cross-legged
Breathing
Am I imagining her?
Who is she?
Why is she so clearly heading towards me?
Who is she?
I try to make out who she is
But she’s still too small
Yet she’s clearly
Running
Towards me.
I breathe
I watch her
She is closer with each moment
She is clearly real
She is clearly alive
She is clearly choosing to move towards me
Is she a beetle?
She looks like a beetle
She keeps coming closer
A ladybug!
A ladybug has raced across
Carpet of an inner temple
To come to me.
I smile
I place my fingertips
On the carpet
The ladybug has not slowed
She is now inches away
I leave my fingertips
Slightly
Out of her direct path
She turns and walks
Directly up onto my fingertips
I lift her slowly
And look at her
I count her black dots on her red body
18, perhaps 19
A few blur
Two yellow blotches on her face
I look at her
She looks at me
She pauses
She looks like she has fallen asleep
I share time and space
With the ladybug
I observe her
Still
On my fingers
I lay my hand
Back on the carpet
She doesn’t seem
To want to leave me
I connect with her
I breathe with her
I love her
I fall in love with her
I want her to remain with me
I want to take care of her
I want to protect her
I spend time with her
Bells chime outside the temple
Time passes
I sit with ladybug
I fall into ladybug
She and I
In this temple
Have become one
Is this real?
Have I fallen in love
With a ladybug?
Did she really run across fields of carpet
To sit in full contentment on my skin?
Time for lunch
What do I do with my love?
Do I leave her?
As I’ve left so many others just days ago?
Can I bear to fall in love again
And to leave again?
Yet until the moment
She ran onto my fingers
And until the moment
I fell in love
With her
She lived without me
And I lived without her
We are whole
Without each other
Our paths crossed
And it is time
For me to leave again
I set my fingers onto the carpet
She crawls up my fingers
Away from the carpet
She clings to me
She tries to crawl
Into my fingerless glove
Is this real?
Did she really race to me?
Is she really not wanting to part with me?
Am I fucking crazy?
To be in a relationship with a ladybug
Whom I’ve only met?
I gently push her off my finger
With my nail
She lands ungracefully
On her back
Legs trembling
I set her upright
She doesn’t walk away from me
I gather my coat and bag
And leave her alone
On the gray carpet
Is this what I will have to do
Over and over?
Fall in love?
Connect so deeply?
Touch skin?
And then leave?
Leave…
Leave…
Leave my shoes on the wooden stand
Enter into the quiet eating area
Where about 40 people are eating in silence
Homemade vegetarian lunch
Beans, salads, kale, rices
baked apple, coconut, and blackberry cobbler
I scoop food into a bowl
And sit on my knees
Under photos of MLK, Mother Teresa, and countless
Spiritual leaders
I focus on my food
And miss ladybug.
I sit for hours
Tears fall
Breaths fall
I fall
Into myself
This is why I have left my life
She walks towards me
Then runs towards me
Across the carpet
Of the temple
As I sit alone
Cross-legged
Breathing
Am I imagining her?
Who is she?
Why is she so clearly heading towards me?
Who is she?
I try to make out who she is
But she’s still too small
Yet she’s clearly
Running
Towards me.
I breathe
I watch her
She is closer with each moment
She is clearly real
She is clearly alive
She is clearly choosing to move towards me
Is she a beetle?
She looks like a beetle
She keeps coming closer
A ladybug!
A ladybug has raced across
Carpet of an inner temple
To come to me.
I smile
I place my fingertips
On the carpet
The ladybug has not slowed
She is now inches away
I leave my fingertips
Slightly
Out of her direct path
She turns and walks
Directly up onto my fingertips
I lift her slowly
And look at her
I count her black dots on her red body
18, perhaps 19
A few blur
Two yellow blotches on her face
I look at her
She looks at me
She pauses
She looks like she has fallen asleep
I share time and space
With the ladybug
I observe her
Still
On my fingers
I lay my hand
Back on the carpet
She doesn’t seem
To want to leave me
I connect with her
I breathe with her
I love her
I fall in love with her
I want her to remain with me
I want to take care of her
I want to protect her
I spend time with her
Bells chime outside the temple
Time passes
I sit with ladybug
I fall into ladybug
She and I
In this temple
Have become one
Is this real?
Have I fallen in love
With a ladybug?
Did she really run across fields of carpet
To sit in full contentment on my skin?
Time for lunch
What do I do with my love?
Do I leave her?
As I’ve left so many others just days ago?
Can I bear to fall in love again
And to leave again?
Yet until the moment
She ran onto my fingers
And until the moment
I fell in love
With her
She lived without me
And I lived without her
We are whole
Without each other
Our paths crossed
And it is time
For me to leave again
I set my fingers onto the carpet
She crawls up my fingers
Away from the carpet
She clings to me
She tries to crawl
Into my fingerless glove
Is this real?
Did she really race to me?
Is she really not wanting to part with me?
Am I fucking crazy?
To be in a relationship with a ladybug
Whom I’ve only met?
I gently push her off my finger
With my nail
She lands ungracefully
On her back
Legs trembling
I set her upright
She doesn’t walk away from me
I gather my coat and bag
And leave her alone
On the gray carpet
Is this what I will have to do
Over and over?
Fall in love?
Connect so deeply?
Touch skin?
And then leave?
Leave…
Leave…
Leave my shoes on the wooden stand
Enter into the quiet eating area
Where about 40 people are eating in silence
Homemade vegetarian lunch
Beans, salads, kale, rices
baked apple, coconut, and blackberry cobbler
I scoop food into a bowl
And sit on my knees
Under photos of MLK, Mother Teresa, and countless
Spiritual leaders
I focus on my food
And miss ladybug.
**************************************************************************************************************************************
All images and writing are copyrighted. These stories will be published by 2012.
Printed version available upon request.
All feedback and comments are welcome. Please send to blissmeander at gmail.com
All images and writing are copyrighted. These stories will be published by 2012.
Printed version available upon request.
All feedback and comments are welcome. Please send to blissmeander at gmail.com
